Nov. 6, 2025

71: Co-Pilot or Passenger? How to Start Steering Your Relationship Together

Show Notes

Ellen Dorian explores how business owners can strengthen their relationships by treating their partnership as the foundation that holds everything else together. Drawing from a Trevor Noah podcast quote about spending time with his father, she examines the cost of making unilateral business decisions without partner input. The episode provides a framework for integrating business and relationship priorities through structured communication, tiered decision-making, and weekly alignment meetings.

Part 1: The Cost of Exclusion

- Ellen shares a quote from Roy Wood Jr. about being along for the ride rather than truly included in his father's life.

- Business owners often make rapid decisions without consulting partners who will be affected by the outcomes.

- Top-down thinking creates resistance and undermines support, even when partners don't openly object.

- Shared visions can drift apart over time, leaving couples working toward completely different outcomes.

- The question "Are you running your business or is your business running you?" reveals a common trap.

Part 2: The Juggling and Herding Problem

- Most business owners have three competing priorities: work, family, and personal fulfillment.

- Juggling means keeping balls in the air, but one is always falling—you can only hold two at a time.

- Herding is attempting to control everything at once, like stuffing three cats in a bag.

- Both approaches fail because they rely on one person being solely responsible for everything.

- Business decisions directly impact partners whether they've agreed to them or not.

Part 3: The Airplane Framework

- Ellen introduces a new model: your relationship is the airplane, with two seats in the cockpit.

- Everything else—business, kids, extended family, hobbies—belongs in the cabin as passengers.

- Kids and business should not fly the plane or always come first.

- Strong partnerships create the framework where everything else thrives.

- Partners become copilots without becoming business partners.

Part 4: Three Best Practices for Partnership Alignment

#1 Weekly Business Review Meeting

- Hold a short weekly meeting focused on decisions that touch shared life.

- Cover four topics: what happened since last meeting, what's coming up, what needs joint decision, and what matters most this week.

- Make it enjoyable with coffee, wine, or pancakes—call it whatever makes it fun.

- Prevents the "I never heard that" or "you didn't tell me" conflicts.

#2 Tiered Decision-Making Categories

- Green zone: everyday decisions that don't impact shared life, just keep partner informed.

- Yellow zone: give heads up and chance to weigh in, minimize surprises, maximize respect.

- Red zone: decisions requiring full discussion before moving forward.

#3 Red Zone Topics

- Money: any shared resource at risk, new debt, contracts, personal guarantees, compensation changes.

- Time: anything significantly changing availability, focus, or energy—major projects, expansion, increased travel.

- People: hiring or firing key team members, bringing on investors, forming partnerships.

- These decisions affect stress levels, time, and how you show up in the relationship.

Key Takeaways:

- Your relationship should be the context in which your business, family, and fulfillment exist, not just another competing priority.

- The entrepreneur divorce rate sits above 60% because not everyone commits to this level of discipline and openness.

- Your partner needs to be an important voice in your business without necessarily working in it.

- Trying to control everything by yourself guarantees something will crash, taking everything else down with it.

- Real work-life integration requires treating major business decisions as partnership decisions.

Call to Action:

Ellen encourages listeners to book a free Relationship Reset Call at relationshipresetcall.com to discuss their specific situation. She also invites them to join the Passionate Partners Insider community on Facebook for exclusive content and resources.

Closing Thoughts:

Ellen emphasizes that she doesn't believe in work-life balance but in integration. The episode provides a playbook for real work-life integration that makes life easier, more connected, and more enjoyable. She challenges listeners to make the mindset shift—whether independently or with her guidance—to transform their relationships and businesses.

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

All links can be found below.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love with Your Wife and in Your Life." - Ellen Dorian

Disclaimer:

The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for the guidance of a qualified mental health or medical professional.