Nov. 20, 2025

72: Three Steps to Stop the Holidays From Derailing Your Relationship

Show Notes

Ellen Dorian addresses the stress and conflict that holidays bring to high-performing business leaders, particularly business owners facing Q4 pressures alongside personal obligations. She introduces a strategic planning approach to transform the holiday season from a source of tension into an opportunity for connection. Through the story of client Bill and his wife Gina, Ellen demonstrates how joint planning, clear boundaries, and shared ownership can prevent the annual cycle of holiday resentment that often leads to January's "divorce season."

Part 1: Understanding Holiday Pressure Points

- Recognition that holidays arrive during Q4 chaos for business owners.

- Identification of competing demands: closing deals, managing budgets, and handling staff needs.

- Acknowledgment of seasonality impacts—some businesses face their busiest period while others experience dead zones.

- The compounding effect of personal demands from partners, family obligations, and social events.

- Pressure to appear joyful despite mounting stress.

Part 2: The Planning Framework

- Starting with baseline questions about what worked, what didn't, what was missing, and what to change.

- The necessity of partner buy-in rather than unilateral decision-making.

- Bill and Gina's story as a case study in initiating the planning conversation.

- Three core elements: planning together, setting limits, and taking ownership.

- Two essential ground rules: everything is open for discussion, and protecting the couple comes first.

- Establishing a gatekeeping script for external pressures.

Part 3: Building Your Holiday Strategy

- Two approaches: blue ocean brainstorming or process of elimination.

- Using post-it notes to map out events, tasks, and obligations visually.

- Three key decisions: enthusiastic yeses, emphatic nos, and the desired outcome.

- Establishing boundaries around time, money, travel, work, and special circumstances.

- The chocolate mousse rule and the three-hour family visit boundary as practical examples.

- Assigning ownership by category rather than individual tasks.

- Weekly check-ins to adjust and maintain alignment.

Key Takeaways:

- Holiday conflicts repeat annually because couples fail to plan or fear disrupting established patterns.

- Joint planning creates clarity and protects relationships from external pressures.

- Boundaries and clear ownership prevent resentment and energy drain.

- Breaking with tradition is necessary when current patterns aren't working.

- A united front in public with private discussion space helps manage family pushback.

- Regular check-ins keep the plan flexible and responsive to changing circumstances.

Call to Action:

If the planning process becomes contentious or confusing, Ellen offers a Relationship Reset Call to help work through the challenges. She emphasizes not letting issues drop only to face worse circumstances in January. Listeners can book a free call at relationshipresetcall.com.

Closing Thoughts:

Ellen previews the next episode's focus on gratitude, generosity, and grace—the "GGG of the holidays"—as tools for managing seasonal chaos. She reflects on recent episodes addressing out-of-control situations and invites listeners experiencing this to reach out. The goal isn't perfection but creating the best opportunity to enjoy life and maintain connection despite competing demands.

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

All links can be found below.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love with Your Wife and in Your Life." - Ellen Dorian

Disclaimer:

The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for the guidance of a qualified mental health or medical professional. All content reflects my own opinions, experience, and research and isn’t guaranteed to be complete or accurate, so please don’t treat it as professional advice of any kind.

0:00 Intro

1:00 Why Q4 Creates Perfect Storm for Couples

3:03 Setting Goals for Different Holiday Experience

5:05 Bill and Gina's Holiday Breaking Point

7:08 The Three-Part Planning Framework Explained

9:40 Three Key Decisions Every Couple Needs

12:14 Setting Boundaries Around Time and Money

14:46 Taking Ownership and Handling Family Pushback

17:19 Three Key Takeaways for Holiday Success

19:22 Spreading the Word About Make More Love