🎄 Three Steps to Stop the Holidays From Derailing Your Relationship

The holiday season often brings joy — but for many high-performing couples, it also brings a perfect storm of stress. In Make More Love Episode 72, Ellen Dorian unpacks a strategic, relationship-centered approach to navigating Q4 pressures, so the holidays don’t become a relational battleground.

Here’s how you can turn the season from chaos into connection.

1. Recognize the Real Holiday Pressure Points

For entrepreneurs and business leaders, the holidays don’t just mean family dinners — they often collide with Q4 business demands. 📈 Year-end revenue targets, staffing decisions, and financial stress can pile on just when there’s pressure to host, donate, visit family, and “be festive.”

Ellen points out how competing demands — business, personal obligations, social expectations — compound. Couples often feel trapped by the myth that holidays are supposed to be magical, even when they’re overwhelmed. Recognizing this tension is the first step to reclaiming the season on your terms. Make More Love

2. Build a Shared Holiday Strategy with Three Key Elements

Ellen walks through a simple but powerful planning framework used by her clients Bill and Gina. These are the three pillars:

• Plan Together: Sit down early (before things erupt) and ask the tough baseline questions: What worked last year? What failed? What traditions or obligations are non-negotiable?

• Set Limits: Establish boundaries around time, money, travel, and family visits. Use a “gatekeeping script” to push back on external demands in a way that protects your couple.

• Share Ownership: Rather than one person carrying all the weight, divide responsibility. Decide as a team who “owns” what — from gift buying to coordinating visits.

Ellen uses practical tools — like brainstorming sessions on post-it notes — to map out what matters most. In this process, you identify your Enthusiastic Yeses, Emphatic Nos, and the outcome you want for your couple. Make More Love

3. Keep It Alive — With Check-ins & Boundaries

Even the best-laid plans can go off course. That’s why Ellen recommends regular check-ins: weekly conversations where you revisit and refine the strategy you made together.

Some ground rules help make this work:

• Everything is open for discussion — no topic is off the table.

• The “couple comes first” principle: Your shared needs are prioritized over external obligations.

• Protecting energy: Use tools like the “chocolate mousse rule” or a three-hour family boundary so you're not drained by every interaction.

By owning your plan and communicating clearly, you build resilience. You’re not just surviving the holidays — you’re navigating them as a unified team.

💡 Why This Matters for High-Achieving Couples

If you skip this kind of planning, what often happens is familiar: unspoken resentment piles up, external demands feel unfair, and by January, many couples feel like they’ve just endured a season — not celebrated it.

But when you use this planning framework:

• You prevent resentment by making decisions together.

• You protect your energy and each other.

• You turn the holidays into a place of connection, not conflict.

✅ Key Takeaways to Implement Now

1. Start Early — Don’t wait until stress hits. Block time now to plan.

2. Be Honest — Define what matters, what’s optional, and what’s off-limits.

3. Check In Weekly — Use short meetings to review, adapt, and protect your shared goals.

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